What the hell?

When I moved back to the Seattle area in August...god has it really been that long ago already??... I did very little in the social scene. While not much has changed in that department because I don't have any money to do anything social, I do venture out every now and again in an attempt to meet men who may be interested in dating the tragedy that is me, myself and Irene.

More to the point, I met a guy during my first night out on the town who, in typical homo fashion, took me home the first night. Mind you...we didn't sleep together and I didn't even spend the night (that would be terribly terribly slutty and I am not terribly terribly slutty until at least the 4th or 5th hour and we had only known each other about 3! What you people must think of me?).

Over the course of the next couple of weeks/months he and I got together a couple of times in some of the most confusing and strangely charged dates that I'd ever had. Several times I spent the night...no sex, but lots of play (note to those still with us that is not terribly terribly terribly slutty as we were now well acquainted) and at one point I had one of...if not THE...most erotic experiences of my life with him. Then, after that experience, NOTHING. A text message here and there, more or less entirely at my initiative and a lack of actual meeting and face to face contact. Obviously, I got a bit frustrated and when I ran into him at a bar one night, attempted to define exactly what it is he wanted, if anything? Being drunk, he dismissed me with a "go find your friends" comment. Now I'm not completely dense...although this post is not leading the reader to believe that I'm sure...I sort of figured out with the brick to the side of the head that, in those immortal words, "he's just not that into me." But, being a glutton for punishment I sent him a message the next day which read something to the effect of, "Not wanting to beat a clearly dead horse, I would like to talk."

That lead to the face to face discussion say, two weeks later where he said (in roughly translated terms) "you were convenient." And continued to make excuses about his not being emotionally available, not over the ex, not really into dating anyone etc. Interestingly, he did say, "I don't think anyone got too trampled in this" which is true because I, not being as dumb as this post is making me sound, did not do something totally lesbian and fall in love with him and pack my suitcases to move in. He also stated he wants to stay friends. I still don't know where I fall on that....

Skip ahead to tonight. We had dinner together (on his invite no less??) and then went to a bar to meet up with one of his friends. While there, he got a text from a guy with a name strikingly similar to mine. When his friend asked him about it he made an offhand comment that made it sound like they were dating. Fine, he's obviously not dating me, but he never mentioned that he was dating someone new. The real interesting part was that upon more inquiry...from me and his friend... he said, "how do I explain my relationship with him?" Then he pointed to me and said, "I think I have to say, 'Ditto.'" Apparently I'm not the only one who he uses his antics on.

I'm not mad or even hurt, but I am confused. Allow me to tell you why... When I dropped him off tonight he said (because he knows I live in the burbs and seriously control any drinking I do because I have to drive home), "if you ever want to go out and get stupid, you can always crash at my place." Which, as has been discussed with him previously, is generally an open invite to crash in his bed. I responded, "I'm not sure I can do that" because honestly...as should now be BLATANTLY obvious to those of you paying attention... I do like him and could see something happening beyond friendship. Alas, that is not happening because of his issues, and I'm not going to put myself in a position where I'm laying in bed next to him and he's rejecting me for anything beyond a quick shot at a blow job. I've been down that road before....