This weekend was my water polo team's international invitational. When I say that, I mean that the overarching organization of polo players that practice together every week put on a tournament. 28 teams from all over the west coast and Canada showed up and four of those (two co-ed a men's and a women's) 28 competing teams were from my overarching team. I played on one of our co-ed teams which entailed 4 games over the course of the three days Friday through Sunday. Although to be more accurate, my co-ed team played three games on Saturday and one on Sunday (at 7am). I'm going to KILL AB and DS for scheduling that! That gives you the background of the weekend.
To start, I got my act together and drove the hour and 20 minutes that it took to get to the pool Friday night. Why? Because I'm a saint. I didn't play on Friday, but because my team was hosting I went to help out. I got to the pool at 4pm and was there until roughly 10pm working the scoring tables and cheered on the other co-ed team and our men in their games. It was pretty easy.
Saturday I woke up at 5:15am and picked up donated coffee from my Starbucks (thanks Mgr. for your support!) and drove the 50 minutes (no traffic at that time of the morning) to the pool and arrived at 6:45am. I played my first game at 8:40am.
Now, those who've been paying attention know that I have only been playing polo for a bit over five months. I've never competitively done any sport. I've never swam. I can honestly say that after the first 5 minutes of the first game I was SO tired I'm surprised I didn't die. We lost the game, but I didn't screw up and I didn't score a goal for the other team. I considered it a success!
After that game it was back to score tables and I got to spend an hour or so with my parents, brother and my mom's best friend who came to the match to watch. I have to say it was pretty cool to have an audience!
Side note... do any of you have any idea how HOT some of the boys that run around water polo tournaments in nothing but speedos are? HOLY CRAP. I knew I liked this sport for a reason.
I played again shortly after 11am, but was actually warmed up a bit so we managed to pull off a win. Granted, we were up against a college team made up of a bunch of Canadian pipsqueaks, but it was still a decent game. What's scary is that these people were all college kids and HAND ON THE BIBLE (not that that means a damn thing because I don't believe in it) not a single one of them weighed more than 100 pounds. I actually got to push a girl around! I was guarding her and my teammates were yelling at me to push her to the wall. SHOCKINGLY I actually did it. (you would think I shouldn't be proud of pushing a girl who weighs less than most of the craps I drop in the toilet around, but it was #1 the first time I'd ever had the ability to push anyone around and #2 see number one and #3 so exciting I almost peed a little!
After that game it was back to score tables for a while and then!!! a friend of mine from high school turned up (she watched my game and I didn't even know!) and she, myself and her husband went to lunch at a local joint.
I played a third game at 6 something (where I actually got a shot on goal even though I didn't make it) and we lost, but again, I didn't screw up and I didn't score a goal for the other team. Success!
Tables, clean up, cheering, tables and I was headed home at 9:30pm. I got home, cooked a GIANT bowl of pasta. Ate and went to bed at a bit after 11.
Sunday morning I was up at 5:30, got gas (for the car!) and drove down to the pool to arrive at 6:45 for a game at 7am. I was so tired that I was literally having an aversion reaction to getting into the pool. Just putting myself into the water was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We then proceeded to get trounced. Horribly. we got so killed that after the first quarter and their lead was something like 6-1 we pretty much decided just to have fun. I did screw up (I made a terrible pass to a guy who was getting double teamed leading to a turnover) but I also blocked a shot on goal....I like to pretend that even though our goalie was right behind me that had I not been there it would have been a goal. It wouldn't, but I like to believe that. I then worked tables the rest of the day and cheered on our other teams. I left at about 4pm.
Somewhere in all of that I turned 31...older than dirt and now not only dead but buried in the gay world.
While it might not sound like it, I still don't have enough energy to do justice to the energy of the event, it was one of the greatest weekends I've had in a LONG time. I think that for a beginner I did pretty well, and that despite our losing record my team played well.
All in all, I think I probably played a total of 35-40 minutes of polo out of the 96 minutes my team was in the water. I don't honestly know, but whatever the actual amount of time it was the most exhausting thing I have ever done. EVER. And I only played on one team. Some of our men and most of our women played on two (and in the case of one girl three!!!) teams which means that they played 8 and 9 games over the same period of time. I am in awe.
And in case anyone is wondering, my team had one guy break a couple fingers, there were some pretty bruises on several of the girls, some nice scratches all over backs (you'd have thought some of us were having great sex!), and the coup de gras... 9 stiches in the eyebrow for one of our girls after her trip to the ER!
Good times!!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
She's a retard
I work at the Starbucks... I mentioned that in my header so if you're surprised you're retarded too! I work with a group of mainly girls because let's face it, the title barista does not exactly scream "HOLY CRAP LOOK HOW BUTCH I AM" for guys who may have that title.
One of the great things about Starbucks (love or hate their coffee I could care less) is that they honestly do try to do good things for the greater community. They offer benefits to people like me who work 20 hours a week...the benefits are inexpensive and AMAZING when you consider how much health insurance costs by itself, and that's not the only benefit they offer. Regardless of things offered to empolyees a/k/a "Partners" my store, like I believe all Starbucks stores, donates our day old pastries to a local charity.
So this girl I work with, we'll call her Tiffani (because that name fits the super bright!) who, while really a nice person who is very kind, is dumber than a box of hair. In fact, I'm not sure the box of hair might not beat her in a trivia competition if it was animate enough to talk. She's bright as a burned out light bulb... I think you get picture! Sharp as a marble. Really! Today the gentleman who comes from the local charity to pick up our day old pastries came in at roughly the same time he always comes in EVERY DAY! Tiffani, apparently never having noticed him until yesterday said and I quote, "Wow, he was just here yesterday!" I told her that yes, he comes every day.
Her response, and I'm not making this up... "WOW, they must be needy!"
I then shot her in the face because her brain was obviously in serious pain from lack of use.
One of the great things about Starbucks (love or hate their coffee I could care less) is that they honestly do try to do good things for the greater community. They offer benefits to people like me who work 20 hours a week...the benefits are inexpensive and AMAZING when you consider how much health insurance costs by itself, and that's not the only benefit they offer. Regardless of things offered to empolyees a/k/a "Partners" my store, like I believe all Starbucks stores, donates our day old pastries to a local charity.
So this girl I work with, we'll call her Tiffani (because that name fits the super bright!) who, while really a nice person who is very kind, is dumber than a box of hair. In fact, I'm not sure the box of hair might not beat her in a trivia competition if it was animate enough to talk. She's bright as a burned out light bulb... I think you get picture! Sharp as a marble. Really! Today the gentleman who comes from the local charity to pick up our day old pastries came in at roughly the same time he always comes in EVERY DAY! Tiffani, apparently never having noticed him until yesterday said and I quote, "Wow, he was just here yesterday!" I told her that yes, he comes every day.
Her response, and I'm not making this up... "WOW, they must be needy!"
I then shot her in the face because her brain was obviously in serious pain from lack of use.
I'm a retard
The title of the last post was supposed to introduce the fact that the cold I've had made it impossible for me to practice water polo last night. Well, not impossible, I was in the water for 20 minutes, but after swimming down and back across the pool maybe twice, I was wheezing like an 80 year old with a 5 pack a day habit. I had to leave early.
Clearly, my mind didn't go there when I was typing my last post. Apologies all around.
Clearly, my mind didn't go there when I was typing my last post. Apologies all around.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Too pooped to play
I've been fighting a cold...a weird cold that has sat directly on my nose for the last 5 days with no other symptoms... for (here's the big shock) the last 5 days! It has sucked so hard that I got a hickey on the end of my pee pee and that's not a good kind of sucking.
I went out last night and bought an new device (probably "new" in the sense that its been around for the last 5000 years as a home remedy) called a Netipot. No, for those wondering, it is not a smoking pot (like our beloved Michael Phelps' bong) , but instead a contraption that looks like a tea pot. You do not, however, use this particular pot for making tea, but instead mix up a special solution of stuff (what I don't know so don't ask) and you pour it up your nose to clean out your sinuses. Yes, you read that correctly.
The instructions say, "Lean forward and tilt your head to the side"...of course this is the same set of instructions that came in the box that tells you what you just bought is shit and that you should have bought a different product made by the same company because it's so far superior to the piece of shit you just bought, but I digress... "make a tight seal and pour the liquid into your nostril to allow it to flow out the other nostril thus allowing you to clean out all of the compacted shit the cold you have has placed in your nose so that you'll feel better" or something along those lines.
Now whoever thought of this is probably the same person who thinks colonics are a great idea...although and I am NOT making this up my cousin said, "I could SEE better" after having his ass pumped full of gallons of water... but maybe they aren't too bad. Because SO much snot came out of my nose I had a string flowing from my nose into the sink. For those who don't know me, I'm taller than most redwoods so that's a significant distance.
Of course the negative side effects are that having chosen to buy the piece of crap that was far inferior to the other product made by the same company (which involved some sort of pumping mechanism...see discussion of colonics above) because my sinuses were stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey's ass, I also had a nice bit of back flow that filled my throat with what I can only imagine were boogers the colors of the rainbow. God know's that shit didn't fall into the sink like the gallon of snot.
However, at the end of the whole ordeal...me drinking a solution of stuff I can only hope was non-toxic, some boogers and a liter of snot (while simultaneously rinsing some of the similar stuff down the drain) I did feel slightly better. I'm not going to give you resounding praise of the Netipot, but I will tell you that should you decide to buy one, I wouldn't because there are apparently far superior products made by the same company and they aren't shy about telling you so.
I say "fuck'em" I'm not going to buy there far superior product because washing out the contents of my nose just doesn't seem to me to be a hobby I'm going to take up.
I went out last night and bought an new device (probably "new" in the sense that its been around for the last 5000 years as a home remedy) called a Netipot. No, for those wondering, it is not a smoking pot (like our beloved Michael Phelps' bong) , but instead a contraption that looks like a tea pot. You do not, however, use this particular pot for making tea, but instead mix up a special solution of stuff (what I don't know so don't ask) and you pour it up your nose to clean out your sinuses. Yes, you read that correctly.
The instructions say, "Lean forward and tilt your head to the side"...of course this is the same set of instructions that came in the box that tells you what you just bought is shit and that you should have bought a different product made by the same company because it's so far superior to the piece of shit you just bought, but I digress... "make a tight seal and pour the liquid into your nostril to allow it to flow out the other nostril thus allowing you to clean out all of the compacted shit the cold you have has placed in your nose so that you'll feel better" or something along those lines.
Now whoever thought of this is probably the same person who thinks colonics are a great idea...although and I am NOT making this up my cousin said, "I could SEE better" after having his ass pumped full of gallons of water... but maybe they aren't too bad. Because SO much snot came out of my nose I had a string flowing from my nose into the sink. For those who don't know me, I'm taller than most redwoods so that's a significant distance.
Of course the negative side effects are that having chosen to buy the piece of crap that was far inferior to the other product made by the same company (which involved some sort of pumping mechanism...see discussion of colonics above) because my sinuses were stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey's ass, I also had a nice bit of back flow that filled my throat with what I can only imagine were boogers the colors of the rainbow. God know's that shit didn't fall into the sink like the gallon of snot.
However, at the end of the whole ordeal...me drinking a solution of stuff I can only hope was non-toxic, some boogers and a liter of snot (while simultaneously rinsing some of the similar stuff down the drain) I did feel slightly better. I'm not going to give you resounding praise of the Netipot, but I will tell you that should you decide to buy one, I wouldn't because there are apparently far superior products made by the same company and they aren't shy about telling you so.
I say "fuck'em" I'm not going to buy there far superior product because washing out the contents of my nose just doesn't seem to me to be a hobby I'm going to take up.
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